Life is a precious gift. It's one of those things where you do not know have until it is gone. I dream about life and death. They go hand-in-hand. It almost rude if you talk about one and not the other. You know what I mean?
If I told you I romanticize death, you would call me suicidal. Maybe I am. Or maybe I'm just not afraid to die. Well, I'm terrified of dying. My greatest fear is dying before I've done everything I have needed to. It's not a list composed of small things like 'travel the world'. It's made of things much deeper and personal. Things I would kill me if I ever told anyone. I do not want to die a mystery.
I jokingly tell my friends how one day I want to drown in the middle of the big, blue ocean wearing Alexander McQueen... something that will never happen. I just feel trapped by my own devices. It is as if I am losing my at my own game of L I F E. Is it possible to lose at a game where you make all the rules?
Andy Warhol once said that dying was the most embarrassing thing that could happen to a person. He is right.
I like to thing what people will say about me when I die. Would people say things like "He had the world at his finger tips" and "He was a true artist" or would they say I was just a dumb-ass for ever thinking I could a star. I would hope they do not think anything of me. Just a figment of imagination in their wildest of dreams.
xxx Monsieur Fabuleuse
