D R E A M S

Since the beginning of the month, I have been writing down my dreams in a journal to remember and analyze them later. Yesterday, I went through the past five nights of dreams.

Although they were all different stories, they all carried the same message. They told me that I had to overcome obstacles to get where I am, but I have to move on from where I am at. My feelings right now are self destructive and I am depressed. I must put these feelings to bed. I must get rid of the old and make room for the new. I am ready to move forward.

Since I was very young, I have had always had this dream to go to New York City. I wanted to be on broadway. I wanted to be a big star. But, as I grow older, it seems that dream has been put in a box to collect dust on the top shelf of a forgotten closet. I'm positive that dreams are not meant to be forgotten.

I am done with putting my dreams aside for the something that someone else wants for me and that I have no interest in. I want to move on, but everything here is holding me back.

I want to be the starving artist living in the 4by4 in the middle of New York City. I would be so happy. I'd rather have nothing + New York City than have everything + stuck. I want to have boundless freedom. I want to hustle the New York scene and live life like Andy Warhol. I am buying a one way ticket and I am never looking back. My dream is the only thing keeping me alive, so I must keep my dream alive. I must. For I would rather die without New York City and my art. #DreamsCanComeTrue

xoxo, a! fAB!

A D D I C T I O N S

We do certain things in life because they make us feel good. A person may only eat one kind of cereal in the morning for their entire life just because it makes them happy. Some people need drugs, some need sex, or even television. I need fame. I am addicted to fame.

I get off on the slightest second of fame. If I can grab someone's attention, negative or positive, just for a second, then I have won. I have succeeded in making my dreams come true. I believe I am famous every second of everyday, but when I can make someone else believe that I am truly famous, that is when I confirm my celebrity.

In medicine, it has been quoted that you must take certain precautions to unsure you get better. You take the necessary steps to unsure your aspired outcome. If I want to ensure that I wake up in the middle of my sleep from a horrific nightmare, I must take the necessary precautions.

My nightmares are not necessarily scary, but they express everything I suppress in my waking world. Some dreams are reoccurring and other are not. At 12:39AM on October 1st, I wrote to myself,

Consumed by my own desires/ I will set myself on fire/ If I leave the world in flames/ Then I will not be a liar/

I take the meaning of my dreams and use it to reinvent myself each day. I put on the dreams as a real life experience to further my career. Even my nightmares cannot scare me from reaching my goal... I must.

xoxo, THE ANTI-DIAMONDS

aka A N D R E W F A B U L O U S