I always have this strange feeling that no one ever really loves me. I know they love me, but I feel like there is another me they do not realize. I feel like they ignore that part of me and pretend it is not there. Maybe I am wrong. However, I know I am right because know one knows that me. I have never told anyone about that part of me. I have not even really told myself.
I have this vision of dying completely alone with no one and nothing and it terrifies me. I'm this old man with no family, no friends, and no fame. I wonder if this is what I want. If I want to be this artist with no insurance on what my outcome may be. But I cannot imagine my life without it. I have no idea what I would be or what I would do.
So how much do I sacrifice before I have given up on everything? How many opportunities do I pass up because I want to be famous? I do not know. None of them maybe.
I just have this picture burned into my brain of what I see myself to be...and it is still quite foggy at the moment. I love so many things, but have no idea whether they love me back. A good friend always tells me "What do you when you want something? You go get it."
You must kill for the things you want. You must fail to succeed. You must never fear if they do not love you back. I must.
xoxo, a! fAB!
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